Mehfil bhari huin thi, shaam jawaan tha. Ustad abhi tak laapata the, par sab logon ke cheron par muskuraahat tha. Isthihaar kaiee dinon se, sheher ke kone kone pe lagaaye gaye hone se ek bhi tashreef khaali nahin tha. Ha, aur Ustad Charan Biryaanee Khaan bhi bahot mashoor the!
Usi bhari mehfil mein ek nawjawaan apne katore leke logon ko sabjiyaan bechte huen nikal raha tha. Usi waqt duniyaan ke mashoor, Lahore ke Shahensha, Laapata gali ki noor-e-taj, Ustad Charan Biryaanee Khaan stage pe padhaare. Logon ke chehre pe se muskaan hat gaya; uh, itni kadar thi unke liye!
Ustad mike uthaaye, aur logon mein hulchal ho gayi.
“Huzoor, mujhe maarne deejiye!” log bol…uh….nahin rahe the!
Kuch daer baad, sab log chup ho gaye, aur Ustad Charan Biryaanee Khaan ke labzon se motiyaan girne lage:
“Arz hai…”
“Wah wah! Huzoor, wah wah!”
Ustad apne priy shishy ko ek do second dekhe; shishy paan chaba rahe the.
“Arz hai.”
“Wah wah! Huzoor, wah…”
“Chupbe!”
Ha, tho Ustad keh rahe the:
“Taron ko koste ho tum…”
“Ustad woh last week ho gaya!”
Ustad kuch has kar bole, “Puraani hai!”
Koi peeche se bola, “Tho naya waala ugal saale!” Woh janaab unke behnoi the.
Ustad phir se has kar aage badhe:
“Arz hai:
Arre o sabjee bechne waale,
Gujarte ho tum uss galiyon mein,”
Ruk kar, effect ke liye phirse arz kiye:
“Abbe o sabjee bechne waale,
Gujarte ho tum uss galiyon mein,
Jahaan tamaatar ki zaroorat hai,
Par hai paayz tumhaare taraazoo mein.”
Ustad tanik turn karke apne shishy ko nihaare. Woh chup rehke paan chabaa rahe the. Thoda bahot bhaawuk hoke Ustad aage nikle:
“Himmat hain tere dil mein,
Kaabil hai tere haat,
Atthanni hai tere paaket mein,
Moti hai tere dimaak”
Ustad phir se apne sishy ko nihaare. Woh paan chabaa rahe the.
“Karoon tho karoon kya,
Boloon tho boloon kya?
Mere labj hai tujpe zaaya,
Boloonga tho samjhegi sirf meri aaya.”
Ustad apne shishy ko nahin nihaarte hue aage badhe.
“Rakhkhon apne paas jo log chaahe,
Bechonge tum jyaada,
Par karte ho tum jo man chaahe,
Rahoge tum bhikaari saala.
Meri baat maan,
Bechdo, behn-chod, apni gaadi,
Sabji mandi chod de,
Ghar waapas jaon, niklo abhi.
Tera kuch nahin hone waala,
Tu rahega sirf bhikaari,
Saale ja mar,
Jaakar kaheen.”
Unki shaayari khatam hote hee Ustaad apne sar jhukaake, mehfil ke sajjanon se aadaab kiye. Logon mein tehelka mach gaya. Ek ke oopar ek uchal rahe the. Koi kursi pe khada hua tha tho, koi mej pe. Ek ke baad ek Ustaad pe thu thu karke tamaatar phenkne lage. Tamaatr ki barsaat ho rahi thi – gande badbudaar tamaatar. Par, usme, ek bhi pyaas nahin tha.
Peeche, darwaaje ke baajoon mein, ek sajjan notein gin rahe the. Unke mooh pe ek delicate muskaan saja hua tha.
Aadaab huzoor.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I thought this was simply going to be a story that is told as a joke, but the sudden twist in the end is very sinister and reminiscent of Roald Dahl's stories. Very nicely done.
Saale, cut and paste tu. Tera khaandaan saala clones se bana juda hua hai. Tu saala xerox copy. Tera...
No, really, it's original! :)
Post a Comment