Bijli

With the caveat that I got 53% in my 10th Standard Hindi exam (the year that my school had a record number of students scoring more than 90% in Hindi), and that only I get my jokes (fortunate, that), here is Ustaad's next adventure:






Har izzeddaar shayar ke jaise Ustaad bhi side mein kuch lafda chala rahe the. Bijli naam ki ek ladki ke saat. Bijli ek izzeddaar ladki thi, jo izzeddaar ladkiyon ke tarah kisi izzeddaar aadmi se kab ki ek izzat ki shaadi kar leti, par uske sar par ek badthi bald spot ne us naubat ko goli maarke rakkha tha. Woh jabbhi haircut karwane ko jaathi tho naai pocchthi, “Kya bolte hai aap, aapke taangon se kaatke, kuch baal aapke sar par chipka doon?” Naai ko tip nahin milta, par woh is nazaaren ko dekhna kaafi samajthe the.

Ustaad andhe nahin the. Par unko pata nahin tha. Bijli, kayeen saalon ke experience se apne sar ke peeche ki bald spot ko chupaane mein kaafi maahir ho gayi thee. Waise dekhe tho, Ustaad ke begum ke baaju koi langdi, kaane ya lulli bhi chaand ke tukde lagne lage, par Bijli utni bhi gayi guzri nahin thi. Waqai, Ustaad Bijli par marte the, aur lambi, lambi prem ke kavita uske naam likha karte.

Bijli in cheejon se kaafi khush thee, par woh apni haisiyat se khush nahin thi. Jab bhi Ustaad jasoos bhainson se jaan bachake Bijli ko visit karte, woh us shyaam mein ek na ek baar shaadi ki baat ko ched dethi.

“Aji, kya bolte hai aap? Hamaari shaadi kab hogi?” Bijli poochthi, bed par lete, ek gulaabi chudidaar pehne. Usko apne badti bald spot ki phikar thi; na jaane kab band kabootar gutur-goon karne lag jaaye?

Ustaad unko kuch doobe doobe, surme waale aankhon se dekhthe, aur “Haan haan, jaldi!” bolke chup ho jaate. Apne talaak – aur subsequent maut – ke baare mein sochthe. Unko Bijli ki badthi bald spot ki koi phikar nahin thi.

“Such?” Bijli khush ho kar poochthi. Usko unke maut ki koi phikar nahin thi.


Ek din yeh baar baar poochna aur baar baar jhoot bolna Ustaad ke seeme se baahar ho gaya. Ustaad Bijli ko dekhe, aur pyaar se pooche “Ek kavita likha hoon, sunegi?”

Pyaar se Bijli boli, “Nahin”.

Ustaad us nahin ko haan samajhke apni dil ki baat keh daali:

“Labzon se bole nahin jaate,
Dil ke har baat,
Aankhon se nahin nikalte,
Dil ke har aansoon.

Majboori is duniya ki reet hai,
Preet, is dil ki khwaaish,
Shaadi Moti se ho chuki hai,
Pyaar tumse hai naajaayiz.

Hataana chahta hoon main is naqaab,
Hakikat mein chahta hoon main jeena,
Chutkaara chahta hoon shaadi se memsaahb,
Milegi chutkaara sirf zindagi se, tum dekhna.

Rangeen ho jayenge uske haat,
Pairon se thod degi mera dil,
Bikhar jaayegi meri ruuh,
Tadpedi (ruuh) qayamat aane till.

Manzoor hota mujhe yeh taqdeer bhi,
Agar utne mein chodthi mujhe woh Moti,
Dafnane ke baad nachegi woh kabr par,
Baynd baaja bulaake woh bhi!

Pyaar kiya hai tumhi se,
Par samjho meri majbooriyan,
Pyaar karoonga main tumhi se,
Par rakhon doori darmiyaan!”

Bijli yeh kavita sunte hee phoot phoot kar rone lagi. Woh melodramatic tarah se cheekne chillane bhi lagi: “Nahin! Taqdeer mujhe phir se dhokha nahin de sakti!” Ustaad usko nihaare aur namr swar me bole “Abbe, kyoon nahin?” Bijli unko nihaari aur aankh baboola ho gayi. Ustaad yeh sab signs ko achchi tarah pehchaante the, aur jaldi se Bijli ke ghar se bhaag gaye.

Ustaad beech sadak mein apne pyjama uthaake bhaag hee rahe the jab “THAP!” karke do darzan tamaatar unke sar par aa gire.